Why the Breakup Was Necessary
Navigating Boundaries in Love, Life, and Work
Sometimes an ending can be a beginning in disguise. That breakup—whether with a partner, a job, or a version of yourself you’ve outgrown—might sting at first. But it can also be a moment of truth. A shift that says your peace matters and your needs are not up for debate.
For many Black women moving through careers, relationships, and the weight of expectation, boundaries are undervalued. We've been encouraged to keep going and keep giving, often at our own expense. But the act of setting a boundary brings clarity. In doing so, you are reflecting what you value and what you’re not willing to lose in the name of being agreeable, available, or accommodating.
What Are Boundaries, Really?
Boundaries are the limits that help you protect your energy, your time, and your spirit. They give shape to your identity by marking what you welcome and what you refuse. Deeply personal and rooted in lived experience, boundaries are influenced by culture, upbringing, and context.
Boundaries create balance—a core principle of Ma’at, the ancient African framework for living in alignment with truth, order, and integrity. Boundaries also stand at the heart of the African-centered wellness practices we explore in our upcoming book for Black women.
Boundaries at work often look different from those in friendships or family relationships. Workplace boundaries tend to be more formal, while personal connections allow for more flexibility and emotional closeness. Even if you adore your work bestie, it’s important to stay mindful of how much you share. Professional spaces require discernment—your role, reputation, and emotional safety depend on knowing what to hold close.
Boundaries at Work? Absolutely.
In the workplace, Black women are often expected to keep their head down and carry their load—to lead without credit, and to mentor others while having little time, space, or support for themselves. Boundaries at work are essential to preserving our brilliance and protecting the energy we need to lead, create, and thrive.
A few boundaries to consider on the job:
Time: You don’t have to be available 24/7. Clarify your working hours, include them in your email signature, and honor them consistently.
Emotional: It’s okay to care without overextending. If a colleague regularly unloads on you, you might gently say, “I really want to support you, but I also need to be honest: I’m feeling stretched thin today. Can we check in another time?” This honors your limits while affirming your connection.
Mental: Guard your clarity and concentration. You don’t have to weigh in on every conversation or solve every problem. Your mental energy is limited—use it where it matters most.
In personal relationships, boundaries might mean:
Physical: Deciding how you want to be touched, or when you need space. Listening to your body’s cues and honoring what it tells you.
Emotional: Acknowledging your empathy without taking on someone else’s emotional labor. Feeling deeply without being consumed.
Mental: Holding onto your perspective even when someone tries to challenge your truth. Refusing to shrink your thoughts to soothe someone’s discomfort.
Privacy: Maintaining ownership over your inner world—your phone, journal, or quiet time. Wanting closeness doesn’t mean giving up your right to keep some things for yourself. Privacy fosters trust, not distance.
When these boundaries go unchecked, love begins to feel like labor. Sometimes a breakup is necessary because staying comes at too high a cost.
Choosing You Requires No Explanation
Sisters, setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable—especially if you’ve been praised for being flexible, dependable, or the one everyone can always count on. Establishing and practicing boundaries can feel like being “selfish.” When you choose yourself, try focusing on the feeling that’s waiting on the other side of “No.” Or “I’m not available at that time.” Or, “My team’s not part of this next agenda item, so I’ll be stepping out.” What follows might be relief. Ease. Peace.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation for needing space, rest, or clarity. But you must trust that your needs are real and worthy.
Some people may resist your shift. Let them. Growth often brings discomfort, especially for those who benefited from your silence or overextension. Don’t take their discomfort to mean you’re wrong—it often means you’re aligned with your values.
When you release what no longer supports your well-being, you create space for relationships—romantic, professional, and otherwise—that meet you with respect and reciprocity.
You’re allowed to protect your peace. You’re allowed to honor your needs.
And yes, you get to choose yourself.